Breaking News: Red Sox Petition City of Boston to Re-Name Street

In the latest development from Peyton Place (I mean Fenway Park), the Boston Red Sox have today asked the City of Boston to change the name of Yawkey Way to Lucchino Lane.

As anticipated here a few days ago, the Red Sox have moved ahead with the franchise’s plans to make Lucchino the Center of the Baseball Universe in Boston. At a City Hall press conference this morning, Larry Lucchino explained that he and he alone was the reason that the Red Sox won the 2004 World Series… that it was he who found Theo Epstein and mentored him… that it was he who brought him to Boston… and that it was he who ultimately authorized the Schilling acquisition and the Garciaparra trade.

Lucchino explained “enough is enough, Theo is gone, and it’s time for the organization and the city to focus on the important tasks at hand… giving me my just rewards… and supporting me in my search for a lackey who won’t try to one up me in the public”. Lucchino explained that Epstein’s style was insidious… that the “aw gee shucks, it aint about me its about the team” approach that Theo exuded was just a front: “Behind the scenes, Theo had a PR machine cranking out the “Theo for Governor” campaign signs and literature… you folks just dont know the expanse of this kid’s plans. He wants to rule the world. And now I, Larry Lucchino, have put a stop to it”.

“Based upon everything I have done for the team, and based on my ability to put the kaibosh on Epstein’s “wanna rule the world” mentality, I think it’s only appropriate that we change the name of the street to Lucchino Lane. After all, why would we honor Tom Yawkey anyway? He never won the World Series. I have!”

Boston Mayor Mumbles Menino could not be reached for comment.

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